Dear Reader,
Life is hard! And sometimes you land up in situations not of your own making! Unemployment is a harsh reality in South Africa, especially if it is you who is in this situation!
If you’ve read any of my previous blog posts, you will know that I’ve been retrenched in 2018 after working 17 years for a company. Nothing can prepare you for the challenges of unemployment and finding a new job.
Today is Friday, 29 March 2019. Today I am not putting up my happy and brave face – today I am sharing it as it is!
Dealing with unemployment is a total roller-coaster journey. Those thirst few days at home you experience shock and a feeling of unreality. For the first 3 months I felt as if I am dreaming – wondering when I will wake up from this nightmare and be able to go back to work.
You try and keep busy and productive – looking for and applying for possible jobs, upgrading your skills by doing different courses and just generally trying to keep positive and motivated.
But today, I just feel as if I had made no progress. Sure, I’ve gained some knowledge, but for all of these courses – Social Media Marketing, Proofreading, Basic Accounting – I still haven’t find a job or generated an income!
At first you are battling all the negative emotions – feeling like you’ve failed, anger at the company for letting you go. And then there is this feeling of loss! Losing that sense of belonging – being part of something bigger, having a purpose!
Eventually as time goes on, these feelings mostly soften – but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are in a better place. You are just facing negative feelings of a different kind. Facing endless questions of What if and Why? Facing every day, the uncertainty of a future unknown.
Facing feelings of frustration and helplessness. Not being able to fix this situation that you have not asked for. Trying and trying and nothing seems to work. Living every day with the hollow-feeling-on-my-stomach anxiety.
People say lot of things, and they mean well. But never give up is easier said than done if you are actually the one facing the challenges!
This is the desert time – where you can find no answers or guidance, nothing quenches your thirst and all you see is darkness! When you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel or the silver lining around the dark cloud! The time when you just can’t face this day anymore, you just want to give up and crawl in a dark hole!
This is the days when I miss my dad the most! If I can just feel his strong arms around me. Feel his comforting presence. If someone can just tell me, it is going to be OK!
I believe in God! I read my Bible every night and find so many beautiful promises in there for me. I believe that he will provide and give me a breakthrough! But I am also very much human, and some days my emotions are like a tsunami that sweeps everything else away – leaving me battling against a current that is just too strong to me – unable to find my feet and stand firm!
So, dear reader, today is a bad day for me – a day to face and acknowledge all my feelings and fears! But ultimately, tomorrow will be better, I will pick myself up and go on. And somehow, I don’t know where and how, I know God will provide for me and I will be OK.
Please comment and share!
Thanks for reading,
Susan
Life Letters 